So, a few days ago I went to the Greenfield Blues and BBQ Festival, an annual event up in Greenfield, Mass that hosts numerous good bands, plenty of tasty food (or so I suppose, being a non-meat-eater and therefore sort of out of it when it comes to BBQ) and--who knew?--a mustache contest. That's right, a mustache contest. I had no idea, but when they made the announcement, I felt the need to step up. Many are called, but few are et cetera. So I made my way to the clearing in front of the stage and there I met me competition. To wit:
So, I figured I had a shot. There were three categories: Best In Show, Best Curl and Most Disturbing. I figured the guy holding the puppy would get Best In Show, and so he did. Seriously, a puppy? Why not just hold up a big sign that says "I'm a starving orphan with no legs, please be nice to me"? But a puppy is what he had, and he won, so there's nothing more to be said.
The guy in the blue shirt to my right (your left) won for Best Curl, and that was fine, as my mustache doesn't Curl so much as Droop. But I definitely thought I was in with a sniff as far as most Disturbing went, so imagine my bitterness when that prize went to the twerp two guys to my right (your left) in the blue T-shirt and goatee. Despite the fact that the rules clearly state "no beards" (yes, there were rules, and yes, they said this), this guy shows up with a beard-mustache combo which is hardly disturbing at all and walks away with the rather snazzy gift package. Which included: a T-shirt, pint glass, hat and metal bucket (not sure what the bucket is for, but whatever). So you can understand why I'm bitter.
Fortunately, this mustache of mine isn't going anywhere. And there's always next year.