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Sunday, December 9, 2007

Cooking Tips for Bachelors #3: Mastadon Steaks

1. Sharpen spear. (Note: If available, "flint-tip" variety works better than "sharp stick.")
2. Locate mastadon herd.
3. Choose target. NB: Immature or elderly individuals work best. Try to avoid obviously sick animals, although they may appear appealingly vulnerable.
4. Throw spear at mastadon. Aim for the "kill spot" just behind the ear.
5. If necessary, repeat step (4.)
6. If necessary, repeat step (4.) many times with great haste. NB: a supply of spears is essential for this. Making a supply beforehand is a good idea.
7. Once mastadon is slain, knock together fist-sized rocks until one has a sharp edge. Use this "scraper" tool to hack off meat.
8. Invent "fire." NB: The opening to your cave is a good spot for this.
9. Roast meat over "fire" till tender.
10. Share roasted steaks with other members of your tribe, esp lithe nubile members of the opposite gender (or your own gender if preferred). Bask in their grateful glances.
11. With full bellies, watch the moon rise. Invent stories that explain creation. Exchange meaningful glances with other tribe members.
12. Repeat as necessary.
13. Later: invent wheel.
14. Later still: Go into a quiet cave somewhere and paint some stuff.

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1 comment:

nfpendleton said...

Been there, done that. Since marriage, though, my wife has made me put away the spear...

Oh, well--trade one thing for another, I guess.